Feels like summer

Arkansas weather feels like we are just on the edge of summer. The season I love the most!

I love no school, which equallys sleeping in!

I love a sweating kiddo

I love big sunglasses and sunscreen

I love afternoons splashing in the pool & the smell of chlorine

I love having time to read (currently enjoying Jodi Picoult’s “19 Minutes”)

I love Watermelon and BBQ’s

I love NO agendas, NO activities, NO sporting events

I love watching her jump in the sprinkler & eating popsicles

We are right there, so close! A few more weeks of school then we are home free. Awe

Of course we have to scrapbook all those amazing summer moments as well! I LOVE bright colors for summer and I have a few favorites I can’t wait to use, they are really just screaming to have photos on them of swimsuits, beaches, big sunglasses and kite flying.

The first is from a new company Echo Park Paper Company. Summertime is their first and only line released so far and they have my mouth watering as to just what they will put out next. It is very bright and great for boys or girls. It features a lot of banners which are the “it” thing right now too.

The second is from October Afternoon and it’s called “Fly a Kite”. It is more muted but still summer ready and very kitchy which is totally cute. Good for far more than kite flying pics.

As soon as I get my pics on this paper I will share! Happy Scrapping.

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Mother’s Day

Do you here the angels doing an AAAAWWWWWW from heaven? They are at my house. A day just for me!!! And all the other Mama’s out there too I suppose. One of the things I wanted most for Mother’s Day was help cleaning the house – not the “picking up” kind of clean but the scrubbing, organizing, nitty gritty cleaning kind of help. Since I have gone to working more full time it is hard to manage this task. So Jon and Kaia chipped in. Kaia made my little heart flutter by organizing my shoes for me. This is the perfect task for her Obsessive Compulsiveness. All my shoes are perfectly stacked, matched and clipped together with clothespins. It is fun for her to tackle the task and I get to reap the benefits…I promise to try to keep up with it Kai!
I love this girl, and being her mommy is the joy of my life. She is growing up before my eyes, changing everyday. I love who she is – a creative, direct, unconventional, animal loving, sweet child.

SNOW!!

I think in Arkansas the historical chance of getting a white Christmas is about 5%…well we must be lucky this year because we got a white Christmas and MORE SNOW already! You may sense the sarcasm about the snow because I really like only 1-2 good snows for the year, just enough to sled for a day, build a snowman and then be able to carry on my everyday life. But this snow made it impossible to get around Christmas day, and is keeping me walled in for the past couple days with more on the way! Ug.

Regardless of my lack of enthusiasm I do realize it is a highlight for kids to have SNOW Days and the excitement in our house with Kaia is no different. We purchased a sled before Christmas to be prepared with all the great sledding hills around our new home. We all ventured out to break in the snow first thing but all the excitement turned to pain…

Kaia went down a few small hills just in front of our house and Jon made fun of the in-adequate hill she had chosen to sled on, recommending instead that they sled straight down on the road. Leave it to Jon to choose the fastest and most extreme sledding path option. Jon prepped Kaia with a speech “bail off if you are going to fast because you will stop” which Kaia ignored on her first trip, rather opting to lay on her belly and drag her legs to slow down her sled as shown here.

First Trip down the road.

Then Jon decides the 2 should go down the hill together in the double tube. Perhaps not considering the increased velocity equal to the increase in weight on the tube…

…the two went veering off the road creating a trail of “powder” in the air (now  I know for certain why they refer to snow as powder). They headed in a tailspin straight for a forest of trees 50 feet from their original intended path. Then they SLAMMED right into the trunk of an evergreen. The tree poofed in a cloud of it’s own white powder as all the snow was violently shaken from the tree. Jon had collided spine to trunk and Kaia was tumbled off the sled.

Jon and Kaia spinning in a cloud of powder

Of course my camera read CARD FULL just a few frames before the collision so I missed getting the peak of their trip on film. So I was complaining about that, then in the seconds later Kaia was screaming. The kind of “I am in pain” scream every parent knows. So I am tramping down the hill in all my snow gear to see what’s going on, considering what bones may have been broken. Jon didn’t get up for several minutes, having taken the direct impact to his tailbone.Kaia was complaining about her back hurting and she wouldn’t move from laying flat out on her belly. We finally calm the tears enough to get her to scoot onto the (completely DEFLATED) sled so we can carry her up the hill into the house. Now my crippled husband and myself (trying to keep my camera dry) have to drag the 100lb child up the hill! Ug. Both Jon and Kaia are sore and have taken pain killers but there are no broken bones, just bruises and scratching. No more sledding this year I suppose…snowman building is much more our speed in this condition!

At least someone had only FUn in the snow.

Snow dogs Buddy and Rosco wildly enjoying all the snow.

Autism Sucks

So we had the school talent show last night which went well as far as the performance part. Kaia was so cute, all dolled up with make-up and she waited to go on stage perfectly with her class up in the balcony. She knew the whole dance and did great up there – I was so proud. Mom videod and I took pics. Kaia told me that evening she was nervous when she saw the crowd but you couldn’t tell! However, after the show was over was a different story. 

The last number was a teacher finale and they released a bunch of balloons at the end. She really wanted to have a balloon and by the time I figured out what she wanted and we got to the stage they were all taken. Major melt down. Right in front of the auditorium, in front of the principle and assistant principle…crawling in the corner…totally embarrassing. I got her to walk out, half chasing her into the parking lot. Hearing several kids comment about how Kaia always gets so MAD at school. I finally had to throw her over my shoulder and pack her out to the car. Sweating my butt off and huffing and puffing.

 It sucked all around.

I just kept you were there to help me, so I wasn’t dealing with the situation on my own. She is almost too big for me to pick up like that so I don’t know what I will do. It scares me to think of what she is going to be like when she gets older. Her temper is getting worse and I don’t know what to do.

Too much for too long

I feel like a wimp as I know so many other wives have gone thru deployments and made it. Not with a smile on their face the entire time, but they were able to stand on their own two feet and take care of everything, support their husband and be mommies for their kids.

But I CAN’T DO IT!

I have really tried…I have gotten up every morning, gotten my little girl to school, put on the happy face in public, sent off the care packages and cried alone but I am not sure how much longer I can do this.

It is SO hard.

I miss hom SO much.

This may be TMI but here goes.

He’s been gone a year already. With Basic, AIT and now deployment. Since last May I can count on my hands the number of times he has been home. It’s hard hitting the one year mark. A year without him, my best friend, my love, my “person”.

I made it thru Basic and AIT fine. I knew he was safe, and excited and I was so proud of him for making an unconventional decision to follow a dream of his, even though he was 26 years old and had a family already. I support him 100%. I can honestly say though neither of us fully processed the possibility he would deploy, especially so quickly. Then finding out the DAY HE GOT HOME from AIT that he was being deployed! There’s no elequoant way to put it – it sucks! Deployment is hard for everyone, but piled on top of being apart so much beforehand, it’s too much for me.

It’s hard to be hopeful that our lives will ever get back to “normal” when I can hardly even remember what it was like to have him here. I know the damage that has been done can’t be fixed. My poor baby girl has a mommy who is sad or mad all the time. She needs a chance to be a 6 year old, have someone to take her fishing and to ride a bike. I try but with the burdens I am carrying I can’t get passed the sadness to even pretend sometimes.

Not to mention myself, I have given up my career – my sense of identity and importance. Staying home along all the time is painful and isolating. Where are all my friends? Where is the family that says they love me? They don’t know, they don’t ask…I don’t think they truly care. Care that I am miserable, along and dying inside.

Military Brat

Proud of her daddies boots.

Kaia is ecstatic about her birthday and wants to invite all her friends to the swimming party and her daddy will be there in his shorts (her words there!). She is so proud of him, I think she wants to show him off. I am surprised she doesn’t want him to wear your uniform to the swim party!

It was funny the other day we went to Shogun (her favorite restaurant & she had been begging) and there was a dad and his college aged son sitting next to us and we were chatting away. He asked Kaia where her daddy was and she quickly responded, “Iraq”. He told her you were a hero, even though he didn’t know you. She was just grinning. I think she gets it, gets the nobility of what he is doing.

I know she misses  her daddy like crazy and it pains me to see our daughter with a broken heart but I know it’s going right back together when he gets home. So hurry up and get back!

My Sweet Kaia & Autism Thoughts

I hate to admit this but I haven’t prayed for you not to have Autism my sweet Kaia.

 Sounds weird huh…coming from a woman who believes whole heartedly in the miracle working power of prayer. However, I am scared that Autism is so much of who you are that you wouldn’t be you if I asked God to take it away.

I must be demented to in some way to hold the key to your world but not want to free you…but I have to justify that with the fact that I know you are happy, you don’t realize (yet) that you are different and you are content with your life.

On the other side of that, wouldn’t a person who has been blind their entire life to suddenly receive sight be thankful and find more joy. I don’t know. These are the crazy things I ponder as I re-discover my hopes for you.

Above all things I want you to love God and serve God and this disability doesn’t hinder that or change that one bit.

Mama loves you Sweet Kaia.