How is it October in my sweet life?

My mind is realing at the fact that is October 17th…apply all the cliche’s here about how quickly time goes by! Time really does fly.

In some ways that is frustrating when I have so many things to get done in the day. I want to clone myself and send each of me to take on different aspects of my life just so I can keep up & do all things well. Working, Creating, Wife, Mom, Friend, Auntie, Sister…finding the balance. The sweet spot where everything just jives is a hard persuit.

In some ways it’s exciting that time is going by so quickly. It means we are getting closer to the holidays (my favorite time of year) and also closer to vacation which is 33 days away! We have planned for a year for this family vacation. It is a treat we are so excited to give my parents & siblings – perhaps once in a lifetime trip although I hope it spurs a tradition! I am so looking forward to boarding the big cruise ship and checking out of life for a solid week. Just pure relaxation and family time. It’s so needed right now. I live a sweet life and I don’t spend enough time savoring that so I hope time sloooowss down for our vacation so we have loonnng days to enjoy.

I did take some time this week to do some creating which re-juvenates me so much. Here is a layout about one of the sweetest parts of my life, my amazing husband. It’s hard to remember my life before him, we met & started dating when I was 17 years old – just babies! Now he turns 30 this week which is just crazy in my mind…again time flies. I wish him a very happy 30th and look forward to making more sweet memories in years and years to come. XOXO

Back to my layout, which I couldn’t share without talking about the awesome product. 99% of the goodness I used for this page is Pink Pailee’s Sweetness line. It is a non-traditional mix of colors in a line about love & valentine’s day. There are amazing rub ons, papers, & stickers to coordinate. And guess what??? I WON ALL THE PRODUCT! I was the very lucky recipient of a HUGE Pink Paislee prize basket at fun scrappin’ event. Our LSS, Signed, Sealed & Delivered brought in Rebecca Cross who is the founder & owner of Pink Paislee to teach for a day. We all got tons of product for the great classes she taught and then to win was just the icing on the cake. Stick a fork in me I am done! She’s amazing… the entire day was amazing and getting to create with heaps of free scrappin’ product is amazing. Another sweet spot in my life this week.

 

Do over

Do you ever wish for a do over with your life?

Wonder how you go to the place you are today?

I suppose everyone’s life is different from how they invisioned it in some ways. I have just been wondering lately about the little descisions we make along the way that lead to massive impacts to our life path. Sometimes I wish I could go back to those moments and take a mullegan. A do over.

But then, what would I have missed?

Maybe it’s like trying to “have your cake and eat it too” or “the grass is always greener on the other side”.

I’m not saying I don’t love my life. I have so many blessings.

Today I feel like it is me I don’t like. That the events and choices along the way shaped me into something I don’t want to be.

Strange.

I am a perfectionist, a very driven people pleaser who doesn’t want to let anyone down. Doesn’t want to fall short of someone’s expectionations of me. Riggid. Hard. Wants to climb the ladder, achieve and conquer everything. Passionate. Smiling with a heavy spirit, because it is again what is expected. A care-taker. But that’s not the me I was always going to be.

Is this me? Or did the me I could have been get squeezed out, squashed by those little choices I have made. Little by little until me wasn’t me anymore. I don’t feel like I’m a fake person. I just feel like I am not me…the me I am supposed to be.

I think the real me was supposed to be free. Passionate. A creative spirit without limitations and bounds. Smiling from a deep and light place. A dreamer. Unaffected by the pressure of society & life. Someone who loved like crazy, like it was the only thing that mattered. Because it is.

Maybe I need little of both “me’s”. I need to become the me I want to be.

I want a tomorrow that doesn’t look like yesterday. So what are you going to do? When the rubber meets the road Katie, when you can’t have a do over and things are what they are?

Are you going to fight like hell for everything that matters? Give up everything that doesn’t? Do something drastic, or stay static?

Anniversary

June 1st, 2008

Happy 6 year Wedding Anniversary to the love of my life!

My love in Iraq

I had to admit it has been a tough day to spend without him, and I have had way too much time on my hands to reminisce and sulk all day. I’ve tried to scrapbook but couldn’t get motivated so mostly I have been eating the pain away today – lotsa chocolate chip cookies. But no matter how hard this day is, we have a great life in-spite of the current circumstances and being separated for the most part of the past year. We have an amazing love and friendship that is enduring and even growing and thriving thru this deployment. I just wish he was here today, and every day to hold in my arms and to give kisses to show you how much I care about him. Rather than sending another letter…it’s just not right!

Honey, I trust you to love me for a lifetime, to never betray me or my trust, to put my needs above even your own, to never run from me. I trust you like no one else in my life, past or present. It’s a vulnerable state to be in. I can’t lose you. Please realize you are holding my heart and that it’s fragile and you have to honor it in all your actions.  I don’t know what to say other than that, I come with baggage – and now it’s yours to carry too.